I'm back... hopefully for good

Hmm I must be the QUEEN of procrastination. I don't know how many weeks I've been telling myself I will write on my blog. Weeks turned into months and hey what do you know it's 2011 already.I remember when I was addicted to writing on my blog. Any thought I had that was the least bit interesting I would blog it. Now I don't know.....

Part of my mind tried to reason that I did not have many people reading my blog so there was no pressing need to gratify my hundreds of followers. Then I thought. I've never really needed a crowd in order to get my point across and never will ;). Anyway it gave me a chance to reveal my more private thoughts.

So what happened? I guess I could use the most reader friendly excuse and say that life got in the way. Or I could just be real and say that I never made the time to write my blog. However I funnily made time to read everyone else's. (Did I hear someone say lazy? ;)) maybe lool.

Anyway in the words of Donnie Mcclurkin we fall down but we get up. So my blog is finally back!

writing is my outlet and although I often released this in the form of poetry (yes I do write). It is often more euphoric to write what is on my mind without it being shrouded in imagery and metaphorical phrases.

So lets get started....

This year is a year of transformation for me. Although every year has been since the age of 14. (yep that long). This year is one of being pro-active instead of dreaming about what my life should be like. This is a year about laying down the foundation for my dreams to become a reality. This time I have the help of a higher power (yes that's God my first love).

Not being one to conform I am starting some new resolution's now. (Yep right now and one of them is to not procrastinate :)) because it does not take the month of January for it to be a new year for you. If you like you can join me. Feel free to email me if you want any advise or want to share your story of change. ( I may not be a psychologist but 7 years of trying to transform teaches you a lot).

Yes this is the year the ugly duckling becomes a swan, the butterfly emerges from the cocoon and other cheesy analogies.

I may even try to make my blog more interactive. You know post videos on youtube, post pictures of myself shock horror and also perform my poetry, so lets see how it goes.

I looked at videos on youtube about self love and felt this one was very inspirational. Hope you enjoy it. xxxxx

(p.s I looked at some grammatical errors I had on the last post and cringed I obviously was half awake when I wrote that one smh)

(p.p.s my blog is undergoing some technical difficulties with the background it will be jazzed up soon I promise :p)

You can buy your hair if it won't grow.......

Hey guys today my rant is going to be on beauty. The thing that apparently every celebrity has and everyone craves to have. After all, what gives you more satisfaction than looking in the mirror and feeling you look like a model or a movie star, or the one all girls and guys have their eyes on when you go out.

But what is beauty? It seems now that it has been imprinted into our minds that beauty is physical.There is so much pressure to look good, and we are constantly bombarded by images of what we feel are perfect women or men. This makes us think that we need to work on ourselves to achieve that perfection; clothes, hair, makeup anything we can get our hands on in order for us to have the confidence to step out of the house and feel worthy.

It's sad when a person feels that they cannot leave the house with at least something on their face or some type of label. Because what? People may not like us.It is even sadder when it comes to the point where a person has to undergo surgery in order to feel better about themselves.

Unfortunately humans aren't the most sympathetic of beings and if they were we would not have as much issues over our physical appearance as there is today. So how do we deal with this? How do we live in this thickle world?

Firstly we should realise that beauty comes from inside. Do you remember when you were a child and the way you looked was the last thing on your mind? It shows that you have slowly been brainwashed to think that the way you look is an important factor in your life so that you can get further, have more opportunities and confidence.

But this is not true you're strength within is what will endear people to you. Being beautiful within will bring you an infectious glow. Don't believe me? Have you ever come across someone who you feel is just such a beautiful person on the inside you can't help but like and admire them? Have you ever seen a man dump his physically beautiful girlfriend for someone who appears to be less unattractive?I'll say no more.

The best thing you can do is waste less time thinking and obsessing over your looks and actually live life. Time is ticking by and you will one day see that it has been wasted on the meaningless at the expense of your inner self.

Think of ways of how to be a better person and not hurt others, try building on your character what are the things you like most about your personality? How can you be more strong?

It is hard not to focus on your looks and judge other people as it has been programmed into your minds. One thing that you can do is go without makeup, doing your hair or wearing the nicest clothes for one day . See how people treat you, do it again and again and you will see that it will become easier and you will feel more fulfilled as people love you for who you really are and not the mask you wear. Your life will consequently become more fulfilling.

p.s (Contrived American accent) I know I be talking about fashion in this blog :P, fashion is going to be everywhere but don't let it posess you, fashion is whatever you want it to be, not what's the hottest thing right now, don't ever feel you have to buy something to make you feel more worthy about yourself.:))

I'll leave you with the wise words of TLC

'You can buy your hair if it won't grow,You can fix your nose if he says soYou can buy all the make up That M.A.C. can makeBut if you can't look inside youFind out who am I tooBe in the position to make me feel So damn unpretty'

What do you want me to do? I'm sorry....I'm back

I know I have been gone for a long time but I have not forgotten about my beloved blog I have been itching to write a few things down but time has been too scarce. ( In otherwords I have been distracted and lazy:P). Sorry guys I like to feel that I try and write the truth, something that seems to be rarely spoken these days lol.

I have a couple of things to write that have been festering in my mind, being a deep thinker is both a gift and curse. A gift because you can learn a lot about different situations and a curse because you tend to overanalyse small things which may not be of any significance at all.

Anywho I was just thinking about distractions and how to determine which ones are good and which ones are bad. Is it right to sacrifice your time on someone or something else when it may often or not lead you to where you want to be? How do you know what's the right thing to do? It's so confusing and often you usually find out what was the right thing to do when you realise you chose the wrong option.

It can be hard when you have a clear cut path in front of you and you want to go for the option which has the most passion or excitement. For example do you follow the steady path of being a doctor or drop it all to become a preacher, singer, actress a path which has less certainty.

Sometimes it is not always as extreme as this. As human beings we are able to do several things at the same time however there will often be one thing that will consume your time more than others, life is a balancing act, which everyone has to do, this involves prioritising the people and the things that you want to do in life as well as trying not to hurt yourself in the process.

Unfortunately I do not have the perfect answer, (although I wish I did) but what I do know is that it is necessary to be emotionally healthy, happy. It is brilliant to be focused but you should balance this with doing the things that you enjoy, taking a chance on people and embracing life, It is sad that there may be inevitable pain due to this, but when this happens you need to pick yourself up and focus on the positive things that you DO have going for you in your life no matter how tired you are. Try writing a plan of where you want to be and a list of things you want to do, look at both the positive and negatives and see what will be best for you. Lists can be boring and life is not as predictable as a list but, It really helps you gain focus.

Furthermore you should also note that people have different priorities and what you prioritise first may not be the same for someone else. Using the example of friendship, someone may see friendship as the biggest priority in their life therefore they expect a lot from a person that claims to be their friend, whereas someone else may see education as theirs and would therefore put that above their friends.The friend may consequently get hurt as a result.

However one of the biggest mistakes that people make is believing that the person may not care because somoeone else or something else is prioritised above them, this is not entirely true it just may mean that at this point in their lives they're focus is on their own needs and goals. Part of being in a friendship or being in a relationship is realising the needs of the other person, supporting what the other person wants to do and knowing that sometimes you will not always be first all the time and this is ok.

However this will not be ok if you feel neglected, first of all you should ask yourself if the neglection is coming from you're need of always having to be with someone all the time, or selfishly wanting the person all to yourself, is this reasonable? If you feel the problem is not you then you should communicate to the other person how you feel as they may not realise or be aware. This could change you're circumstance for the good. If not then get to stepping and find someone that prioritises along the same lines as you. it is hard and believe me I know the pain but sometimes it is best to let go, you HAVE TO let go.

Quote on taking a chance

'It seems that it is madder never to abandon one's self than often to be infatuated; better to be wounded, a captive and a slave, than always to walk in armor. Margaret Fuller'

The green eyed monster

Why as a race are humans jealous creatures? Jealousy in small doses can just about pass as being healthy as long as you allow this to motivate you to go get what you want out of life. But if you find that everyday you are thinking about someone else's life or you are consumed by jealously, then this is seriously unhealthy. Ok that girl may be prettier, that guy may be stronger or that person may have everything they want in life without lifting a finger; whilst you have worked so hard and have achieved nothing. One thing you need to realise is that you are living your life not theirs. You're travelling along you're own path which is blessed and has been designed and created perfectly for you. People often confuse blessed with meaning that this has to be full of many positive things but it is the hardships and struggles that provide us with invaluable lessons that cannot be taught by anyone else. Life does not have to revolve around what we haven't got, wish we had or resenting other people. Life needs to be about enjoying what we have and thinking about ways we can healthily improve our attitude to achieve what we want.

When running a race looking at the people around us will only make us lose, look straight ahead and ignore those people who boast and brag and ignore other peoples privileges, you are privileged too.Knowing that you are privileged whilst having the least in life is a quality that the most happy and wise people in life have.

Are the realities of a man looking after a child just a DREAM?

I'm finally back after a hectic period of exams and revision.The Dream's interview, in Parlour magazine caught my attention. The Dream recently had a baby called Violet with the singer Christina Milian, when asked If he helped out with the baby at home, he stated that he did not as it would turn into expectations. His bluntness took me by surprise and made me wonder if the expectations of a father helping out with a baby is merely a hopeful dream that does not match the realities of life?

It is an age old story that the mother looks after the baby whilst the father brings home the money. In 2008 the Telegraph stated that 70% of fathers are happy to leave the day to day care of the baby with the mothers but is this really practical when both parents work? Although the mother is closest to the baby for 9 months. When the baby is born, I believe that both mother and father should feel a strong connection towards it.I am sometimes at a loss for a reason why the father feels they do not have any responsibilities. So many times the father up and leaves, do they simply not care? If we are going to look at it in terms of primitive stereotypes, the father should be the protector of the family therefore he should have a strong urge to look after the baby.

This makes me wonder if the father's lack of concern has been naturalised so much in society we accept it as normal? I know for sure that when it comes to me the father better be helping take care of our baby otherwise there'll be problems ;).

I know that this does not apply to all fathers as I am sure there are many doting ones out there. But this needs to be the majority rather than the minority. Hey what a perfect topic to talk about when its coming up to fathers day.Hmmm its good to be back ;).
Check The Dream's interview at parlourmagazine.com

source:parlour magazine

Stop the pity party

Yes life is hard, yes you have been through a lot but there is no reason for you to act like a victim. You are not a victim of life, you are a survivor. The fact that you are living and breathing right now proves this. Instead of dwelling on what life has done to you, focus on what you can do to make it better because it can be done. Pull yourself together. As it is Easter we should try and remember what Jesus went through, having to be publicly humiliated and hung on a cross, if Jesus was able to endure this and still not act like a victim then you have no excuse.

People have had to overcome difficulties greater than what you have right in front of you. Focus on the bigger picture. Believe you will come out of the situation and it will happen, the key is to keep on and on for as long as it takes and I mean as long as it takes.

We are born fighters our biological makeup proves this, when we have an infection,our body immediately tries to fight and heal this. You should do the same mentally.Believe in yourself!

Can I get a window seat? Don't want nobody next to me

Wow Erykah has really caused a stir, with her new video window seat. Recently being fined $500 for inappropriate exposure in her video.

One question that keeps on coming up is, what is the meaning behind the song and Erykah Badu's video? Her song and video reveal two different concepts. Erykah's song lyrics talk about wanting to be alone because her lover has gone.On the other hand in the video she strips off, taking off her clothes to remove everything that is repressing her and defining her in the world. Eventually she is left to her true naked self but is shot because people do not understand it (and evidently judging by her fine the state doesn't either.)

People have been bringing up the fact that many artists have exposed their naked bodies in videos. Examples are Alanis Morissett- Thank u, Britney spears- Womanizer and Rihanna - Umbrella. Despite this I think the issue at hand was the fact that nobody knew about her stripping and there were no licences etc.

One point I found interesting that someone made, was that this video caused a lot of controversy because Erykah Badu was a black women stripping in a non-sexual nature. Black women have been naked in many hiphop artist video's such as 50 cent.This however has not caused much controversy as it is accepted by society that black women can only be naked in a sexual manner. Or is this all women in general?

Maybe in the words of Erykah Badu we should open our eyes, renew our mind....
Heres a video of her peforming the song.

What is it about married men and affairs?

We all know about Tiger woods and his numerous affairs, Cheryl Cole and her split with Ashely Cole, Vernon kay's secret text messages under his wife's Tess Daley's nose and now there's another one!!! Mathew knowles has been confirmed as the father of a baby boy after allegedly having an 18 month affair.

Married men having affairs is an old age issue, which brings the question to mind. Is promiscuity naturally in all Men's nature? Is putting a ring on it not enough?

From my perspective I do believe that when you marry, you have to be with the right person and I do mean the right person. Looks should not be the main factor although many men are visually stimulated, looks wear off and in the end you only have the person standing next to you to live the rest of your life with, it seems that this is something most people seem to grasp too late into their marriage. Is your love deep enough? I personally think that you need to find the person your with amazing, exciting and enthralling and I'm not just talking about the first 6 months, this I believe is what will truly sustain the marriage. Time is also key there is no rush, work on yourself and your insecurities; a lot of people's love are based on insecurities within themselves. Although it is good to depend on your partner, do not become too dependent, you are both adults, and you both need to think for yourself. Lastly do not let your emotions get the best of your common sense, are you compatible?

Admittedly I do think people cheat in marriage due to boredom and look for something new,exciting and different. However they fail to end their marriage as they also want the reassurance of their wife at home. Unfortunately you cannot have your cake and eat it too.Cheating is like an addiction, once you've tried it, it'll be easy to do it again and again and again, as they say once a cheater always a cheater.

Quote of the day

Today my quote of the day is based on relationships

Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're really strangers. ~Mary Tyler Moore




Knowing the person who you're with is key!!


Peace xxxxxxxx

Quote of the day

Albert Schweitzer
'Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.'


Money's not everything....xxx

Fear

Fear is one of the biggest obstacles in life and it needs to be overcome. What are you so afraid of? Becoming a target? Failing? Embarrassment? Humiliation? Being lonely? The most successful people have had to overcome the hardest obstacles in order to be where they are today. Never take a setback as a failure, in order to have a setback you must have gotten somewhere in the first place. If you've done it before you can do it again,ten times over, believe!

We are all human beings, nobody was born superior to another. Yes some of us are gifted with talents, but the amazing thing is we all have the capacity to learn. You can be who you want to be but be prepared for the struggle that comes with it. Don't be afraid to take risks,and definitely do not let fear stop you.It is merely negative thinking, yes past experiences can inhibit us, but we need to get over it. Fear is irrational and usually built on insecurity. What is your insecurity? Identify it and conquer it!!!Never ever let people build fear inside you. You were born alone, you will die alone and at the end of the day, it is you who is accountable for your own life.

Hope this helps
Peace xxxx

Quote of the day

This is from a scripture in the bible that was given to me. If you meditate on this you are sure to succeed.

Luke 10:19 'I have given you power to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and upon all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall hurt you'

Why don't you love me hater?

I was watching a video of karrine steffans giving a lecture to a university and despite being a controversial figure (writing about her various escapades with celebrities in a book)I think what she said was completely true. I believe that the truth is the truth and whatever vessel it comes out of should not matter.Why can't people love everybody until they do something personal to you? People who hate on other people have problems with themselves because if you were happy with your life, you wouldn't feel the need to have so much hatred towards another person, especially someone you don't know.(I'm not talking about if someones committed an atrocious act, just talking about general hate). So next time you hate on someone think again where the place is coming from, is it because you don't feel that a person deserves the things that they have in their life? Well its not your place to judge.

rice,peas&love :P xxxx

I'm conceited I got a reason

I truly believe that people who are conceited, are some of the most insecure people in the world. Think about it, the constant need to say how good you are shows your desire to prove yourself so that people know you are worthy. The most confident people, I believe are modest and can feel good without brandishing their worth in peoples faces. They could have achieved the most but do not feel the need to tell people this. I admire them so much and will strive to be like this. Modesty is the epitome of confidence.

peacexxx

Making It

It can be so frustrating when you look back on your life and feel that If you knew what you wanted to do back then you could have changed your destiny.But maybe the destiny that you have now is for a reason, even if you feel like you're currently in a bad position. As life unravels you may find that the place of limbo that you are in now aided you to achieve in some way.If you feel that it could not possibly help then make it!!! Draw from your pain and frustrations and manifest this into something that you can be proud of. I know that this is a cliche statement and is hard to imagine, but I feel that this attitude coupled with hardwork and a plan for what you want to do is key. True, this is hard to do when you are at a crossroads, but think about what you are good at, what you would like to improve, and as time goes on try and do those things.

This can be hard when you are lazy or are so demotivated that you feel like you just cannot carry on. But just keep that hope alive even if it is the smallest of lights at the end of the tunnel. One thing I admittedly sometimes deal with is jealousy, the feeling that other peoples lives are perfect and why my life cannot be that way. However you need to know everyone has their own struggle and the people in enviable positions have had to face a huge amount of rejection;and it is their perserverance that have allowed them to succeed. Do not blame yourself for what you could have been but focus on what you could be now.Someone told me to picture your life as a scientist; you tried this way, it didn't work so try another way. Change variables in your life to make it work for you.And also have someone to look up to and see how they lived their life.

This is my blueprint to making it and by Gods grace, I'll one day have a story to tell and you will too. :)

Rice, peas and love :P xxxx

Sleep

I really do recommend sleep and taking naps, sometimes its the best antidote when you are stressed or in a bad mood, its good for you're skin too! When you awake you usually find that your worries are not as big as you made out, and it puts you in a different frame of mind ready to face the rest of the day or night. So every now and again use life's natural elixir.:)

Rice,peas and love :Pxxx

Making It

It can be so frustrating when you look back on your life and feel that If you knew what you wanted to do back then you could have changed your destiny.But maybe the destiny that you have now is for a reason, even if you feel like you're currently in a bad position. As life unravels you may find that the place of limbo that you are in now aided you to achieve in some way.If you feel that it could not possibly help then make it!!! Draw from your pain and frustrations and manifest this into something that you can be proud of. I know that this is a cliche statement and is hard to imagine, but I feel that this attitude coupled with hardwork and a plan for what you want to do is key. True, this is hard to do when you are at a crossroads, but think about what you are good at, what you would like to improve, and as time goes on try and do those things.

This can be hard when you are lazy or are so demotivated that you feel like you just cannot carry on. But just keep that hope alive even if it is the smallest of lights at the end of the tunnel. One thing I admittedly sometimes deal with is jealousy, the feeling that other peoples lives are perfect and why my life cannot be that way. However you need to know everyone has their own struggle and the people in enviable positions have had to face a huge amount of rejection;and it is their perserverance that have allowed them to succeed. Do not blame yourself for what you could have been but focus on what you could be now.Someone told me to picture your life as a scientist; you tried this way, it didn't work so try another way. Change variables in your life to make it work for you.And also have someone to look up to and see how they lived their life.

This is my blueprint to making it and by Gods grace, I'll one day have a story to tell and you will too. :)

Rice&peas and love :P xxxx

Womens magazines

Womens magazines tend to get on my nerves, especially when they have columns about what women have to do to get a man. I feel that all it does is create an unnecessary inferiority complex in women. There is no set way to get a man, and if you get a man by following a blueprint it is sure to fail, as it is nothing more than a pretence which cannot be sustained forever. I think the best thing is to be yourself, be sure in your mind of both what you want and don't want and then stick by it.If you have to compromise your values maybe the man is not for you.

I think the notion of just being yourself is something extremely lacking in womens magazines. Instead pressure is constantly put on the female; how to think, how to dress and this seems to all be for men. Whilst it is a good thing to have a man in your life it is not necessarily the be all and end all. Having your own goals,knowing yourself and learning to be happy on your own is just as important. Love being you and do you the best that you can because you're the only one that can do it :P.

Peace :P xxxx